BIG BANG™: The Real Kpop Taste, Without The Real Kpop Guilt

Are you tired of unfulfilled promises of Everlasting Friends that feels more like Sometimes Lasting “Friends”? How about all the confusion about the dubious and fluctuating number of members in your Kpop group? Is it 14? 25? 200? Sounds like a case of We Are ONE ... too many! Let’s not forget those groups that seem to be doomed to permanently break societal norms of politeness. Sometimes, it may just make you Wanna B an anti-fan!

But fear not, we here at the Consumer Korean Pop Products have the solution for all your ironic Kpopping stanning needs! Introducing, the new way to enjoy Korean Pop Music...


That's right, for the low, low price of $217,000.99 plus international shipping and handling you can have your very own BIG BANG™, complete with 6 studio albums, and the two top spots on the World Digital Songs Chart to impress your friends and all those pesky naysayers on the internet! Don’t be a Loser, with BIG BANG™ as your Number 1, you’ll be Made! Even your Bae Bae will notice a difference!

Let these five Bad Boys croon you with their unique brand of pop music that you've probably never heard before, all the while taking over the world one American-owned international corporation television program at a time!

Don't understand Korean or Japanese? That's no problem! Our skilled interpreters will be able to decipher all of BIG BANG™’s cringey attempts at English so that you can enjoy the best there is of top-quality international cultural (in)sensitivity.

Uh oh! Did your favourite idol get caught with frivolous drug charges, shamed out of public media, never to be seen again? We here at CK hear your cries of anguish! You can listen to BIG BANG™ with confidence, knowing that our patent Teflon coating will prevent any controversy from sticking and ruining your Kpop-tacular experience! That’s right, our Oppa Didn’t Mean It! limited warranty is included with every purchase of BIG BANG™. So if your Oppa is caught being a totally regular person, running someone over with a car (because who hasn’t done that) or dating, you can rest assured that any and all public apologies will be accepted without a second thought or care!

You might be saying to yourself, “Wow! Fantastic, baby! I hear no Stupid Liar, I better do What Is Right and spend all my Dirty Cash...Tonight!”

But wait! You might be saying Tell Me Goodbye, but we’re Still Alive with more offers for you!

Act now, and you can get two groups for the price of one! Not only will you receive BIG BANG™, but we will also include 2NE1™, the female counterpart that you can enjoy before they get popular in mainstream America because we all know that once a Kpop group gets popular, they’re basically too Western and aren’t even Kpop anymore and I don’t listen to Western music because it’s all about drugs and violence and Kpop is so wholesome and totally different ugh am I right?

Hurry and GARA GARA GO order your own BIG BANG™ today before they say their Last Farewell!

BIG BANG™: Because who cares about controversy when you’re the most popular Kpop group of all time.

This has been a paid advertisement by Consumer Korean Pop Products. The information and opinions expressed therein were solely those of the Consumer Korean Pop Products Group and not the opinions of this website, affiliates, staff or managers.


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